Thursday, August 23, 2007

Yeah Good News

Darling's Grandpa can discharged from hospital already...

Last fri, dear told me Grandpa was hospitalised at TTSH, he was not feeling well n was panting the night b4. Grandma called 4th uncle and he drove him to hospital for checkup. He was then admitted for further checkups..

juz only, MIL told me, grandpa can go home already. 2nd uncle n 4th uncle now on their way to hospital to do the documentation for grandpa.. this is def a gd news to all of us.. so glad grandpa can go home already.. yeah.. will go see him on sat.. me now not feeling well.. beta don go spread diseases.. grandpa's house has many little kids too.. 

so happy now... yippee.....

 

Sick Again

been many days since i log in here.. was very sick the last 2 days... i fall sick suddenly.. hehe...

mon nite b4 i go to bed, i got the urge to vomit n my stomach don feel gd.. like thr's a lot of wind n gas inside... after a while.. i really vomitted... tot i will b alright after vomitting but i'm wrong.. the whole nite i was in n out of the toilet vomitting till i cant rem the exact no of times i vomitted.. it was so horrible that i end up sitting on the toilet floor n rest.. basically it was like i will vomit at an interval of every 30 mins... i myself don believe this too... 1st time this happen to me... hehe... i tot got gd news already.. haha but menses came the next day.. so don think so already...

tue morning i wake up with a very very bad headache n bodyache.. no vomitting already.. as i always have migraine (A migraine is a very painful type of headache), i did not go see doc.. took a day off instead.. too giddy to walk to clinic too...  lay in bed tat whole day coz i feel giddy when i walk.. i don wan to fall down the stairs.. nvr eaten anything the whole morning n afternoon till evening when darling's back from wk.. only drink water.. at night darling came home with a pkt of hor fun for me but 2 mouths n i am full already..

wed morning still don feel well.. the headache n bodyache is still thr but today i have throat pain at the side of my throat.. not so giddy today.. i walk to the clinic myself, hubby is very busy at wk and so he can't go with me, normally when i am sick, he will takes me to the clinic coz he knows i am 1 whom don like to go see doc.. given 1 day MC.. hehe... taken the med and is feeling beta but the headache is still thr... nvr eaten much thing again today..

thur morning.. headache's gone but still having bodyache n i am still feeling a bit giddy.. my voice changes a bit today too... think its due to the throat infection.. hehe... now i am at my wk desk clearing the wk load for the past few days.. today's gonna b a busy day...

Friday, August 10, 2007

Hostel II

last fri, went to watch Hostel II with hubby, his uncle, aunt, bro n gf... a bit anxious b4 going into the cinema.. have heard many say how gross n scary tat movie is gonna be.. hehe... as usual, thruout the movie, almost 2/3 of the show, my hands are infront of my face with a small gap to watch.. hehe...

ok.. to the movie part.. thou i only dare to watch 1/3 of the show opening.. i can still roughly figure out what's happening in the show ^_^ :-

this show is abt 3 america ladies whom studied in ROME, during one of the art class, they get to know a beautiful model. These 3 ladies went on a weekend trip and happen to bump into tat lady again. This lady told them that she is going to a place where there's a super nice and huge natural hot spring and tat she assures the 3 of them, they will sure love tat place and they will be able to relax and rejuvenate there.. and so the 3 of them went with her to tat place... they were arranged to stay at a place call Hostel.. their passports are kept by the hostel staff for registering purpose but in fact, their pic and details are sent to all the rich men in the world thru PDA o email for bidding.. whoever bids the highest and win the bid will get to kill n torture tat victim to death in their own preferred way... ya they pay to kill some1 themselves.. they will have a private room to themselves with all the various different tools to choose and they can decide how they wan kill n torture the victim to death but 1 thing... they need to sign a contract with the organisations and that is... u pay to kill some1 but have to make sure tat person is dead.. u have to die if tat person nvr die....

out of these 3 ladies, 2 were killed but the last 1... hmm.. i won tell u.. from the part they reach the hostel.. its the kan cheong part already.. u have to watch urself then u can exprience the fear and excitement.. hehe....

be prepared for scenes of bloody, killing scenes..
(p/s: these part i was blind n deaf.. hehe.. i shut my eyes tightly and covered my ears with my hand.. haha... me don dare watch these scenes)

 

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Touching Story 3

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world is gone forever.

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny’s secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby’s father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: ?Lets go fetch mother.? Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her country-side habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: ?I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can’t eat the flowers!? I smiled and said: ?Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better.? Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: ?Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you will get use to it.?

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: ?You little fool, just don’t tell her the full price of everything would solve it.? There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children’s Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and ?Bam? she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: ?What did I do wrong?? Hubby stared at me and said: ?Can’t you just give in to her once? we couldn’t possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right??

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the ?all important? task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: ?LD, is it because you think that mum’s cooking is not clean that’s why you chose not to eat at home?? He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: ?LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?? I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn’t. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn’t mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: ?LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor.?

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn’t hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn’t resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn’t know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: Darling, I am having your baby! and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn’t happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn’t even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: Mr Tan’s mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital.? I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother’s pale white and thin face and I couldn’t control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the furneral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the country-side. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...

In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother’s room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don’t know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother’s death, so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched ? he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: ?You wait a while, I will sign.? He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself ?You cannot cry, you cannot cry...? my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby’s eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.

?LD, you are pregnant??

Since mother’s accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: ?Yes, but its ok, you can leave now.? He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seem so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated ‘sorry? to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can’t. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep deep scares in each other’s heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don’t take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother’s room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He have forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby’s groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at me and our son, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: ?Prepare for his funeral.? I disregarded the nurse’s objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby’s cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: ‘son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy’s suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...?

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

?My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I?m afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging...?

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: ?Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms...?

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

The end...



Touching Story 2.. "The Hardest Thing i had to say"

after reading thru this story.. i feel sometimes if there's a need to express our feelings to some1.. we must do so b4 its juz too late.....

 

 

The Hardest Thing I Had To Say

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up, we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet and he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kind of thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home, I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport and that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "Today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

Touching Story 1... "100 stories"

i got this story from someone on the multiply... i almost cried after reading thru the story

 

100 Sorries

It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him,

Me : Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?

XOXO : Alright, give me 5 minutes.

Me : 5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.

XOXO : I need to get ready.

Me : Alright, make it fast then.

2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself.

Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned.

5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch.

10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident?

15 minutes passed, he finally shown up.

Me : Why are you so late?

He wasn't even a lil' bothered

XOXO : Nahz, was watching TV.

Me : What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then?

I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me

but stood there and stared at him.

XOXO : Sorry.

This was the first time he said sorry to me...

He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl.

I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home.


He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels.


The only thing he does is to apologise.

To me, some things can't be settled with a sorry.

I would never go on asking after every time he apologises.

He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl.

Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes.

Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead.

Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised.


I dropped my head

Me : you don't ever need to say sorry to me again.

If you can never change, then don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time.

He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry.

Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever.

I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.

Me : What's wrong with you these few days?

XOXO : Nothing.

Me : Then why are you acting so strange?

XOXO : I am not.

Me : What can you say other than this answer? Do you know I'm very worried, very insecure, do you treat me as your girlfriend?

XOXO : I'm sorry...

Me : I don't want to hear you say sorry again.

I put down the phone and he did not call back.

He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up.

.....this was the 99th time he said sorry...

From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him.

Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall

but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up?

After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him.

I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him.

Me : excuse me, is XOXO here today?

Classmate : I'm afraid he already stopped schooling.

Me : Huh? Why? When was that?

Classmate : He hasn't been in school for a month already.

Me : Oh erms...thanks.

One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home.

Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone....

I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer.

How can it be? The whole family migrated?

It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace.

I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend.

He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.

Friend : Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital.

Me : REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?

Friend : Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.

Me : I'll be right there.

I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there.

I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall.

He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,

Me : Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me?

He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.

Me : Come on answer me...why don't you speak?

A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say...

XOXO : I'm...sorry...

After that, his eyes went shut.

Me : Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me?

Me : Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please.

I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out..

Me : Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead?

Me : I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use...

Me : If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes.....

That was the 100th sorry.

A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up...

My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black.

He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore.

But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing.

He's still accompanying me, still alive, in my heart.

would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore.

After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box... inside was 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them... the reasons why he made me angry.

The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up.

I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then,

before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?

The second time, my dear, I...

The third time, my dear, I...

The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world,

It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger....

You are the first girl I apologised to.

And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life...

Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you...

Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear...


I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~ XOXO

How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible.

The last photograph was of him in the hospital,

Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever.

His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th.

At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him.

Me : I'm sorry.

I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....

the movie 'Hostel 2'

tomolo me n hubby will be going to watch this movie with his uncle, aunt, his bro and his bro gf at vivo GV.. heard tat this movie is a very scary n gross movie.. i wonder whr i get this courage from to go watch this show... since young i always like to watch scary movie but then i can nvr watch or finish a scary movie on my own.. either my sis o my hubby (bf tat time) to watch with me.. then my pair of hands will always be on my face haha..

rem thr's once i went to watch a show with my close frens ken and the gang.. poor ken happen to sit beside me... throughout the whole movie.. he was scared by me and not by the show itself.. hehe...

hubby also always say.. watch this type of movie with me is a waste of money coz my eyes are always covered by my hand.... but with hubby beside me... i can always hide my face on his face.. haha....... hopefully hubby's arm won get blue black tomolo after the movie... wahaha.....

 

http://www.hostel2.com/

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

So happy for my Friends Rach & Jac

today my fren rach msn me a link.. she submitted her wedding pic for a contest on the most beautiful couple and was selected to be published on the site.. i was shocked and yet happy to see her n her hubby pic on the website.. anyway i juz wanna tell her.. tat pic she send is really very nice.. no wonder it gets selected.. recently she is bothered by something tat happen b/w her n her MIL.. hope everything is well now and tat she do not gets bothered over it... life still has to go on... ^_^

o ya rach birthday is coming soon.. if she see this blog before her bday.. i wanna wish her Advanced happy birthday but if she see this blog after tat.. then belated happy birthday to u...

Another great news.. Jac is pregnant after getting married on May last year.. according to her most prob is a Baby Girl.. so happy for her.. her expected delivery date is on Dec this year.. i've told her to inform us after she deliver and we can go to visit her..